If I could have just one drag...
I'd have that immediate "ahhhhhhh" experience! All would be right again,... for about ten seconds. And with that would come all the worries, the ill-health, the breathlessness and the sure knowledge that it's only going to get worse.
I'd have the guilt back, the sense of defeat, the pessimism, the fear and the self-contempt. I'd have the never-ending cough and the pain in my chest as a continual reminder of how close to the edge I'm coming, while I wonder if it's already too late.
Today I'm fighting for something. Today I grapple with the cravings, and the way I've seen myself for 35 years of active addiction. And it's often painful. But it's pain for something. It's the pain of transition and recovery... and I'm not swapping that pain in for the pain of killing myself.
I'm better than I was 18 days ago, and I'll be better yet as time goes by. I'm learning how to live as a non-smoker, as someone who's free of that addiction. Slowly but surely, I'm changing and I'm getting better.
And I'm not going back.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/6/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 18
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 469
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $166.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 25 [B]Seconds:[/B] 15
