Hello, Everyone!
I'm new here. My name is Craig, I'm 38, depressed, and I have negative thoughts every day so this is a good place to start.
A number of bad experiences have triggered depressive episodes for me. Ever since I was 13 I've struggled with recurring depression but since I was in denial for a long time I wasn't diagnosed until age 36 when I became severely depressed with suicidal ideation following my divorce.
Currently, I'm on Vivactyl for depression and Buspar for anxiety. My diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder, Dysthymic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified with Avoidant and Dependant traits. I also have auditory hallucinations, recurring suicidal ideation, and a family history of depression, anxiety, psychiatric hospitalization, and suicide. Just reading my diagnosis is enough to make me feel depressed!
Recently, I've been more depressed than usual since I found out that I failed the California bar exam for the second time. I did a lot of negative self talk, saw myself as a loser and a failure, and that knocked my self esteem down even lower. To cope I've discussed this with my counselor, my psychiatrist, family, and friends. I've also been busy getting ready for the next bar exam, which is in July and I've requested accomodations for my mental disabilities. I try to shut off the negative thoughts and practice Mindfulness (being in the here and now instead of brooding about the past or worrying about the future) but it is very difficult.
I think support groups like this can help since it's hard to talk about your depression, especially with people who are not depressed or mental health professionals. So I hope you can relate. Take care.
Craig
